The JB Story
by believable-pen
Summary: Just another day in the life of Torchwood   do you know what JB stands for? Tell us and if you're right you can decide the outcome of this story...
1. Chapter 1

A JB Story

Jack and Ianto weren't speaking to one another. Consequently, Owen was actually considering being nice to Ianto - Tea Boy was in a decaf mood.

Tosh was steering clear of Jack in his office, despite needing to speak to him about the alien translation. Even Myfanwy was staying in her den, such was the mood in the air of the Hub.

Jack looked out of his office door, wondering why it was so quiet in the Hub. Ianto was nowhere in sight and the coffee machine was off and Jack wondered where the errant Welshman had gone to in order to sulk, because he was absolutely certain that Ianto was in a mood.

Because everyone was lying low, Jack decided that he had two choices - indulge his curiosity and find Ianto, or stand and sulk on a roof. Deciding to go and brood on a roof, he collected his mobile and headed out of the Hub, alarms blaring.

Jack couldn't believe how loud car alarms were these days, and was grateful it was too domestic for him to consider.

Standing on the roof overlooking Cardiff Train Station, Jack spied Ianto waiting on platform 3.

Ianto gazed up the length of the railway track, his shoulders slumped in defeat; he'd had enough, not just of Torchwood, but of his crappy life as well. He barely heard the tinny voice of the announcer say: '_The 15.08 First Great Western service to London Paddington is delayed by approximately 20 minutes - we apologise for any inconvenience caused; _an announcement which made the other passengers on platform 3 exclaim in annoyance.

Ianto sighed and headed out of the station, running into Jack, who was just walking through the station doors.

"Oh, hello," said Jack.

Ianto closed his eyes for a second and then looked past Jack. "Why are you here?"

"I was kinda hoping we could talk, you know, like normal people do?"

"Normal people, Jack? How the fuck are we in anyway normal?" Ianto glared at him as he spoke, awaiting a sarcastic reply. Ianto wasn't disappointed.

"Well, let me see - you've been ignoring me all morning because I accidentally let one of your ties get into the washing machine . Or don't normal people fight over stupid little household things?"

Ianto quirked his eyebrow. "I wouldn't know, I haven't been normal for a long time." He smiled. "And plus it's not the tie, it's the fact that you don't….Oh, God, we _are _domestic…." Ianto paled.

Through the earpieces of both men came Tosh's voice.

"Sorry to interrupted your so called 'domestic', but the alarms are going crazy and Owen has gone missing," Tosh took a breath. "We need you, Jack."

Ianto rolled his eyes. "Honestly, I thought my day couldn't get any worse." He muttered, sharing a long suffering look with Jack.

"Tosh, we're heading back to the Hub now." Jack turned to walk away.

Ianto hesitated a moment, not really wanting to follow.

"Ianto, come on!"

Tempted though he was to tell Jack to make his own bloody coffee and return to the platform, Ianto realised that if the Captain murdered the coffee machine on the same day it's master died, the damn machine would stalk him through hell.

Perhaps it was the influence of the Hub, but Ianto could swear that the coffee machine was sentient.

Jack was worried, despite the fact that Ianto was running alongside him. He could tell something wasn't right. He had a funny feeling that he had been incredibly lucky to find Ianto, but he shoved it to the back of his mind when he burst through the cog door and Myfanwy was screeching and there was a distinct iron tang in the air.

Jack stopped dead in his tracks, looked towards the silver water tower and then turned to Ianto. "I can taste blood!"


	2. Chapter 2

**The JB Story Chapter 2**

**Suddenly, Jack and Ianto where outside again.**

"**The taste of blood could have something to do with the fact you've bitten your lip, Jack! I mean, get with the programme."**

**Jack was fiddling with his wrist strap. "Why won't the darn thing work?"**

**Ianto sighed. "Looks like we'll have to use the back entrance." He turned and headed toward the tourist office and Jack chased after him.**

"**I thought you'd never ask!"**

"**Get knotted, Jack." Ianto was yelling over his shoulder.**

**Jack decided that Ianto was no fun, as they ran towards the Plass. **

**Inside the Hub, they found chaos - computers were beeping. Tosh was looking harassed. Gwen was panicking and Owen was nowhere to be seen. Myfanwy was soaring overhead, screeching. She was **_**still **_**waiting for her chocolate fix.**

"**What have we got, Tosh."**

"**It started when I was translating the alien device."**

"**And Owen?"**

"**He just vanished when the alarms went off and we can't reach him….and why did you both go back outside again?"**

"**We didn't," Ianto chinned in.**

"**So we have spatial disturbance to contend with, too." Jack assessed.**

**Ianto rolled his eyes. "I should have caught that train."Jack smiled.**

"**You had something to do with that, didn't you?""I might have. Anyway…."**

"**You bastard!"**

"**Oi, less of the swearing." Gwen exclaimed.**

**Ianto sincerely wished that she would disappear, and then she did!**

"**Thank fuck," he muttered under his breath, heading for his workstation.**

**Momentarily distracted, Jack scowled. "So, maybe you're pissed off about the train, Yan, but there's no need for that."**

**Ianto quirked an eyebrow. "Sorry, Jack, but you have to admit isn't it a lot easier to come up with a plan of action without her clucking in your ear"**

**Jack chuckled and nodded. "So, we have a vanished Gwen….Owen gone."**

**Ianto smirked. "Maybe we should look at the device, sir."**

"**Good plan. Tosh?"**

**Tosh raised the device and Jack instantly recognised it from the Boeshane Peninsular.**

"**There's no place like home," Jack remarked.**

"**For you, maybe," commented Ianto, walking over to Tosh. "So, what is it, Jack?"**

**A smile curled the corners of Jack's mouth. "Dare I tell you?" He chuckled again.**

"**It's a doobury."**

**Tosh and Ianto fixed him with wide eyed expressions. **

"**A what?"**

"**A doobury." Jack repeated.**

**Ianto rolled his eyes. "You don't know what it is, do you?"**

**Jack looked slightly put out. "Er, no."**

"**Just great! You're supposed to know everything!" Ianto yelled over the alarms.**

**No! Actually, I think you'll find that's you!"**

**Ianto huffed out a sigh thinking that Jack really was a pain in the backside. He started rubbing at the seat of his pants.**

**Jack was quick to notice. "Yeah, about that appointment we have with the back entrance. You - I hate to say this, but I think it's gotta wait until we get Gwen and Owen back."**

**Tosh turned scarlet, attempting to shut her ewars and staring very fixedly at the device.**

**Ianto scowled. "Sometimes, Jack, I do wish you'd lose that filthy mind and focus on the damn problem!"**

**Jack raised his eyebrows. "Just because I don't know what it is, it doesn't mean I don't know what it does."**

"**Well?" Tosh and Ianto raised their eyebrows.**

"**It grants wishes like a mechanical genie."**


	3. Chapter 3

The JB Story Chapter 3

TWTWTW

Previously on Torchwood:-

Owen has gone. Gwen has mysteriously disappeared and poor Myfanwy still hasn't got her chocolate fix…

Ianto sat down and looked at Jack. "You're having a laugh. A mechanical genie?"

Jack shook his head. "Afraid not." He eyed the young Welshman. "Did ya wish Gwen wasn't here? Cos, now she isn't."

Ianto blushed.

"Thought so," Jack tutted. "How could you. You should be ashamed of yourself." He smiled, knowingly.

Ianto nodded. "Yes, but I didn't vanish Owen….Well, maybe I did, when I was thinking about feeding Myfanwy."

Tosh gasped.

"You mean Owen's been eaten?"

Ianto went beetroot red. "I better check Miffy's nest."

Jack looked worried. "What for?"

"Well, Owen's bloodied lab coat, a few bones perhaps…." He shrugged.

"Ianto!"

"What? He's been annoying me all day, just be grateful I didn't turn him into the Sugar Puff Monster!"

Jack looked confused for a second, then shook his head. "Ianto, get your arse up into that nest and check! And everyone, for God's sake try not to wish for anything!"

Fed up, Ianto's reaction was unavoidable. _'I wish he'd stop stating the bloody obvious' _"I could have worked that one out myself!"

Unaware of Ianto's wish, Tosh spoke up. "Erm, Jack, couldn't we fix this by just wishing Gwen and Owen back?"

Jack frowned. "Good thought, but I'm afraid it's just not that simple."

Tosh sighed quietly. "Nothing ever is in Torchwood."

"You're stating the obvious, Tosh."

Ianto started to climb the ladder, then froze half way up. "Jack," he called down, "I accidentally wished you'd stop stating the obvious, but you just did, with Tosh!"

"Bugger, right, no more wishing!"

Ianto kept climbing, trying not to wish. He just wanted to find Owen unharmed. Reaching the nest, he was relieved to see the medic at the back of the cave with the remnants of a chocolate wrapper.

"About time you found me, Tea Boy," he smiled. "I would have spoken up earlier, but I was enjoying the show down there."

Ianto tried to hide how annoyed he was right then. "Let's just go down, shall we?"

"Lead on Mac Duff."

"Ianto, is Owen alive? Ianto, I wanna hear those beautiful Welsh vowels."

Ianto couldn't help himself, he wished Jack would belt up.

Moments later, Jack grabbed at his waist. "Ianto!"

Owen and Ianto exchanged looks.

"I think I better stay up here. It's safer." Ianto looked down at Jack.

"Actually, Tea Boy, why don't I know you out, then the problem is solved."

Ianto gave the medic a worried look. "You wouldn't?"

Owen grinned, raised his right fist and punched Ianto's lights out.

Instantly, Jack's tightening belt sped up it's efforts to cut him in half.

"How is that solving the problem?" The Captain yelled in an interesting falsetto voice, as his clothing attempted to butcher a certain vital organ below the waist.

Keeping her head, Tosh rushed to the autopsy bay and grabbed a scalpel to cut the offending belt.

Jack sighed with relief as the pressure was finally removed. He vented his frustration with a perfectly placed right hook; and once again the sir was filled with the sharp tang of blood.

Owen squealed and clutched at his broken nose.


End file.
